State Teasing
Make no mistake, I love every one of our United States. But like a mother with fifty children, I inevitably like some better than others. I understand, however, that we wouldn’t be a whole flock if one sheep wandered off.
It is the same reason I like Tobey Keith, the Dallas Cowboys and close-mindedness. These things may suck, but they suck in a unmistakably American way.
With that in mind, I offer these alternative state mottos from places I’ve just had the pleasure of passing through. I hope their citizens laugh (and shoot weapons) with me, not at me. We tease because we love.
- South Dakota: We won’t be offended if you turn around.
- Iowa: As exhilarating as unbuttered toast, as flat as a 5th grade beauty queen.
- Nebraska: Yeah, but you have to admit, we’re pretty big.
- Montana: Still offering 85% more sky, despite the economic downturn.
- Missouri: Please don’t venture off I-70.
- Wyoming: Don’t worry, all the buffalo have been shot.
